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+--Forum: After the Bar Closes...
+---Topic: The continuing saga of the Cane Toad started by sir_toejam

Posted by: sir_toejam on Feb. 15 2006,08:34

better known as Mr. (cane) Toad's wild ride:

< >

another interesting case of a rapidly evolving invasive species.
Posted by: BWE on Feb. 15 2006,09:28

< I wonder if the new toads are really, "New and Improved" in all their important freatures. >
Posted by: sir_toejam on Feb. 15 2006,10:03

now that could be an experiment worth pursuing...
Posted by: improvius on Feb. 17 2006,06:17

Apparently the designer is really PO'ed at Australia.  Maybe we should ask Pat Robertson if he knows why.
Posted by: BWE on Feb. 17 2006,06:29

Oh he knows all right:
< Right Here >
Posted by: sir_toejam on Feb. 17 2006,10:38

Quote (improvius @ Feb. 17 2006,12:17)
Apparently the designer is really PO'ed at Australia.  Maybe we should ask Pat Robertson if he knows why.

in this case, the only folks to be pissed at are the "intelligent" human designers that thought bringing the toads in way back in the 30's would alleviate their introduced beetle eating their introduced sugar cane problem.
Posted by: BWE on Feb. 17 2006,11:43

Woudn'tcha think they woud've tried to feed one of the buggers to a real toad before they sent out the toads?
Posted by: sir_toejam on Feb. 17 2006,14:14

would it have mattered, really?

a toad is a generalist predator.  they stuff into their craw anything that moves and is small enough to fit, period.

a very bad choice for a biological control mechanism, no matter how you slice it.

...and i hear that when you "slice" a toad with a nine-iron it tends to come apart; better to hit them a bit fat with a driver.

from a bit of a classic usenet post (look away if you have a sensitive nature):

...They found a natural predator in the cane toad, which came from Hawaii
of all places.  In 1935, 55 pairs (as in 110) cane toads were released
in the small North Queensland town of Gordonvale.  Unfortunately,
Australia did not have any predators that liked to eat the toads,
probably due to the poison glands on the back of their neck.
Similarly, the cane toads found that there was much more interesting
and tasty stuff to eat than boring old cane beetles.

The result was a plague of biblical proportions.

As a consequence, every man, woman and child living north of Sydney
has grown up knowing the extreme pleasure of killing cane toads.
Motorists swerve to hit them, cricketers hoist them for a six
(equivalent of home run for you 'Merkins) over the boundary, weekend
gardeners chase them down with a lawn mower.

The following, is some of the many varied ways I have dispatched these
nasty little buggers while I lived in Queensland.  Perhaps some other
Aussies can add to the list, what about you Hawaiians out there?


The Thong Slap (TS) is not fatal to a cane toad, but is an important
component of many of the other means of disposal.  To perform a TS,
one quickly removes their thong (rubber, sandal-like footwear) and
slaps a toad hard on the head.  This stuns the toad and stops it from
hopping all over the place.

#1) Take golf clubs out into the back yard, usually only a 2-wood,
6-iron and 9-iron.  Find a toad and dispatch with club of your choice.
If the toad is sitting upright, use the driver.  Extra points are
awarded for lofted shots over the house and on to the street.  Hitting
a "slice" tends to result in separate pieces of toad.
#2) Take a field hockey stick and dispatch as above.  Remember not to
raise the head of the stick above shoulder height, otherwise a penalty
may ensue.
#3) Using a cricket stump, first smash the toad with the blunt end,
then reverse the stump and impale it with the pointed end.  Shake the
toad off the pointed end and repeat if necessary.

A special class devoted to common garden tools.  Favorite tools are
the shovel (hit with flat side, then chop up with blade), the mattock
(chopping only), the pitch fork (see how many you can collect) and the
axe (slice and dice).

Another special class, covering those instruments not involved with
clubbing.  Some nice effects can be gained with tennis rackets (small
toads only - great for perfecting that two-handed backhand), darts
(nothing like a moving bullseye) and football boots.

#1) Take you mother's best carving knife outside and see if you
*really* can throw it like a Bowie knife.
#2) After performing a TS, flip the toad over and use an Xacto knife
to practice your vivisection techniques.  See how much you can remove
and still get the toad to hop away.
#3) Perform TS, throw toad into the air and try to hit with a machete.
More points are awarded if the pieces are equal in size.


#1) One of my all-time faves: Perform a TS, then throw the toad out
onto a bust street.  Bet with friends how many cars will miss it
before it goes POP.
#2) Go to the local cricket field late at night.  Using repeated TS's,
gather a large quantity of stunned toads.  Arrange in a line and then
run over them with the heavy roller used for the cricket pitch.  Try
to get them feet first so all the guts pop out the mouth.
#3)  The two footed jump.
#4) The brick target-toss.  TS a toad, then step some distance back
and lob bricks at it.

#1) The air rifle.  Try to get those difficult lung shots so they hop
around blowing red frothy bubbles.  Try a hard to get glancing head
shot, that leaves the skull exposed and the toad still alive.
#2) Target shooting.  TS a number of toads and then pin them to the
clothesline with pegs.  Keep shooting till they break off.
#3) Get some long wooden cotton swabs that you use to clean VCR heads.
Sharpen the end of the stick, then soak the swab in alcohol (or
gasoline).  Load backwards into air rifle (so sick comes out first)
and shoot toad.  Light the swab as it hops away so remaining shots in
the dark are easier.

#1)  Douse toad in kerosene and light.
#2) Rummage through doctors trash cans for discarded syringes with
needles.  Inject toads with various chemicals and note results.  DDT
based insecticides work well.
#3) Put toad in jar with pool chlorine.  Add vinegar so chlorine gas
is produced.  Cap jar and watch toad turn white.
#4) Fill a bucket with boiling water.  TS toads, then drop in for
instant gratification.
#5) Put football inflation needle on the end of a bike pump.  TS a
toad, then insert needle into toad's bum.  Pump vigorously and see
which organs are expelled through the mouth.
#6)  Tie toads to the back of your bike, then go off for a fun ride!


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