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+--Forum: After the Bar Closes...
+---Topic: [D] I Fool Musical started by Amadan


Posted by: Amadan on Sep. 03 2009,08:45

I read that a British dance company are staging < a work inspired by Darwinís junket to the Galapagos > †Ė video clip †< here >.

I have no doubt that all here share my indignation at the unfairness of this. Discussion of evolution should be balanced, preferably with grainy clips of goose-stepping Sturmabteilungen, indignantly-read scripture, and lascivious close-ups of Sarah Palinís big, firm, round, graspable, motherly spectacles. But this we cannot do, given the meagre resources left after meeting our commitments to godless depravity and corruption of the vulnerable.

In lieu of this, and as a token of the esteem in which we all hold the folks at UD, I propose we write an operetta for them. †I give below my unworthy preliminary sketches and invite fellow misfits, nitwits and nincompoops here to add to it as they may.

I need hardly emphasise the importance of this. Without attention, ID would surely wither away and die. And then where would we be?


Yeomen of the God Ė A One-Note Operetta

Overture, conducted by a handsome young man in a frilly shirt

Necessarily similar to, but by no means plagiarised from, La Gaza Ladra ("The Quotemining Magpie") by Rossini)

SCENE 1

Chorus of HebrewJudeo-Christian Slaves

† † Our great countryís becoming a pain in the ass
† † Since they ripped out the Bible from Biology class
† † Our existence is teetering on the ledge
† † What we need is a strategy document called the Wedge.
† † Then those libruls will get what was always their due
† † And the White House will always be Red and never Blue.
† † And if high-tech all moves to some foreign land
† † It wonít matter Ďcause soon the Rapture will be at hand
† † Letís pray, letís pray
† † That the Rapture comes soon!
† † Letís pray, letís pray
† † That the Rapture comes soon!

[Enter Guillermo, a genius]
† † I found a watch, itís not my own, but Iíll appropriate it,
† † If someone says itís Paleyís, heíll be excommunicated!
† † Itís firmly sealed and how it works is purely hypothetical,
† † But unimportant stuff like that is really just pathetical.
† † This artefact no junkyard storm could possibly assemble
† † And if you say Lifeís not a watch, Iíll volubly dissemble.
† † So by default, we must assume, Design must be Divine.
† † This theory, which is all my own, is mine, I tell you, MINE!

[Enter Scrotus, Guillermoís lackey]
† † A hammer I hold oíer the heads of the herd
† † Of sheep who attend to my Masterís each word.
† † They soon figure out that an off-message bleat
† † Will have them ejected right into the street,
† † With a lump on their skull, right on top of their dome-o
† † So they better remember that I am il uomo.

Scrotus: Master, do you love me?
Guillermo: Hush, fool! Do you espy that curiously shaven canine walking in a most peculiar way?
Scrotus: ĎTis not a pooch, my lord, it is a Canooch.

[Enter Ritardella, a respectable, ummm, whatever...]
† † They call me a journalist, some kind of journalist, though I can never tell why:
† † My facts are selective, my grammarís defective, my IQ would make Daveís look high.
† † I blog for homeschoolers and other such droolers, though nobody visits at all.
† † I use first-class sources for all my discourses, like Fox and WorldNet and TownHall!
† † Iíve written a book, with a similar kook, on the spiritual nature of mind Ė
† † If you open my head, itís reliably said, that thereís nothing at all you can find!

Scrotus: Master, tell me, †do you love me?
Guillermo: (Ignores Scrotusís pleading) Ritardella, come to me.
Ritardella: Lose the fat kid first.

To Be Continued




Posted by: paragwinn on Sep. 03 2009,11:13

Bravo! (To be continued)  :)
Posted by: Dr.GH on Sep. 03 2009,11:17

Scrotus: Master, do you love me?
Guillermo: Hush, fool! Do you espy that curiously shaven canine walking in a most peculiar way?
Scrotus: ĎTis not a pooch, my lord, it is a Canooch.

I have not laughed like that for days! Thanks!
Posted by: paragwinn on Sep. 03 2009,11:23

Guillermo: Hush, fool! Do you espy that curiously shaven canine walking in a most peculiar way?
Scrotus: ĎTis not a pooch, my lord, it is a Canooch.


Posted by: someotherguy on Sep. 03 2009,11:37

Somebody get Cuttlefish in here.  He was born for this!
Posted by: Richardthughes on Sep. 03 2009,12:00

POTW^2
Posted by: J-Dog on Sep. 03 2009,12:10

Very minor adaptation gives us the following:

U. D. Has Clowns

Arenít they dumb?
Why arenít they fair?
We here with facts on the ground
I.D. is air
UD has clowns

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
We who keep testing around,
While I. D. canít prove.
Theyíre nothing but  clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Know that we wonít stop opening labs
Finally working results, keeping the tabs
Making science again with our usual flair
But I.D. does not
Nothing is there

Don't you love farts?
Itís Dembski I fear.
He thought that we'd want what he dealt
No, sorry, not here
Dembskiís a clown
Quick, sweater the clowns.
Don't bother, they're there

Arenít they dumb?
Arenít they queer,
UD attracts cranks both far and near
They are such clowns
There ought to be clowns.
At U. D. next year.

* with apologies to Steven Sondheim
Posted by: Schroedinger's Dog on Sep. 03 2009,12:17

Brilliant, just plain brilliant!

I'm game for the soundtrack if needed :)
Posted by: Louis on Sep. 03 2009,15:49

This is masterful Amadan.

All our base belong to you, you win some free LOLCats, a bushel of internets and no free goes on Arden*.

See, I can be nice.

Louis

* Second prize, exactly as above but with 2 free goes on Arden.
Posted by: Amadan on Sep. 03 2009,16:37

Quote (paragwinn @ Sep. 03 2009,11:23)
Guillermo: Hush, fool! Do you espy that curiously shaven canine walking in a most peculiar way?
Scrotus: ĎTis not a pooch, my lord, it is a Canooch.


---------------------QUOTE-------------------


*snorf*

But could you not get an autographed copy of this marvellous portrait?

Scene 2, in which we introduce the dastardly Don Ricardo, is gestating. Comic relief, in the form of the Rastafarian duo Tiki and his contradictory alter-ego Gem, follows in Scenes 3 to 17 (as well as a post-script and several intermezzi), leading up to the dramatic trial scene presided over by Sheriff Bangy and a jury of onlookers!

J-Dog, Sondheim forgives you. But not the other lazy shites here who thought I didn't mean what I said about everyone contributing. Even if only plot suggestions by PM, if you're feeling shy, like.
Posted by: khan on Sep. 03 2009,16:42

Can there be a brief tragic moment when DrDr realizes that his entire life has been a self-imposed tragedy (absurdity?)?

But then realizes it is too late to change?
Posted by: Richardthughes on Sep. 03 2009,17:04

Quote (Amadan @ Sep. 03 2009,16:37)
J-Dog, Sondheim forgives you. But not the other lazy shites here who thought I didn't mean what I said about everyone contributing. Even if only plot suggestions by PM, if you're feeling shy, like.
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


SO THERES LIEK THIS ROWBOT THAT IS CALLED RICHTARDTHUGE AND HE IS TEH BEST AND HIS LAYSERS GO 'PEW-PEW' AND HE KILLS DARF VADER AND HAS A SPACESHIP AND IS ALSO A POPSTAR.
Posted by: khan on Sep. 03 2009,17:35

A tragic solo when denied entrance to the cafeteria?
Posted by: someotherguy on Sep. 03 2009,17:56

Quote (khan @ Sep. 03 2009,17:35)
A tragic solo when denied entrance to the cafeteria?
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


Something like this? †



DAAAAAAAWKINSSSSSS!!!!
Posted by: Timothy McDougald on Sep. 03 2009,19:07

In ancient Greek comedy the actors wore long phallic-like objects strapped to their, umm, phallus. They engaged in a lot of horse play - every time someone in Aristophanes says "here, hold this" and such like other phrases, that is what they are referring too. This idea should be incorporated into your opera.
Posted by: deadman_932 on Sep. 03 2009,19:40

Quote (afarensis @ Sep. 03 2009,19:07)
In ancient Greek comedy the actors wore long phallic-like objects strapped to their, umm, phallus. They engaged in a lot of horse play - every time someone in Aristophanes says "here, hold this" and such like other phrases, that is what they are referring too. This idea should be incorporated into your opera.
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


Accurate codpieces for everyone! Erm, except Densey -- she has her own. Real. And Gab of Talky says it's spectacular.

ETA: Genius, Amadan. Genius.
Posted by: Timothy McDougald on Sep. 03 2009,20:01

Quote (deadman_932 @ Sep. 03 2009,19:40)
Quote (afarensis @ Sep. 03 2009,19:07)
In ancient Greek comedy the actors wore long phallic-like objects strapped to their, umm, phallus. They engaged in a lot of horse play - every time someone in Aristophanes says "here, hold this" and such like other phrases, that is what they are referring too. This idea should be incorporated into your opera.
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


Accurate codpieces for everyone! Erm, except Densey -- she has her own. Real. And Gab of Talky says it's spectacular.

ETA: Genius, Amadan. Genius.
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


Codpeices? Feh!! These were like 3-4 feet long and flexible. Imagine a stuffed snake...
Posted by: DaveH on Sep. 04 2009,02:20

The RING CYCLE (abridged)

SCENE: A fantastical fitness landscape with many snow-covered inaccessible peaks.

ENTER: A ridiculous little man in silly round spectacles. His mighty horned helmet of personal incredulity keeps slipping over his eyes. He is wearing a rather stylish sweater.

Elmer WaDD (for it is he!) sings: "Be vewwy quiet! I'm hunting weasels!"

WaDD spots a wabbit hole. He feeds the barrel of his shotgun into it, not aware that the barrel pops up out of another hole behind him and points at his arse.

He pulls the trigger of "peer-review" and shoots self in the ring-piece.

Bugs R Welsberry (casualy chewing carrot): Meeeeeh, What's up, DocDoc?



FINIS
Posted by: carlsonjok on Sep. 04 2009,05:40

Quote (afarensis @ Sep. 03 2009,19:07)
In ancient Greek comedy the actors wore long phallic-like objects strapped to their, umm, phallus. They engaged in a lot of horse play - every time someone in Aristophanes says "here, hold this" and such like other phrases, that is what they are referring too. This idea should be incorporated into your opera.
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


So, like, you are saying k.e is going to be appearing as himself?
Posted by: Timothy McDougald on Sep. 04 2009,07:47

Quote (carlsonjok @ Sep. 04 2009,05:40)
Quote (afarensis @ Sep. 03 2009,19:07)
In ancient Greek comedy the actors wore long phallic-like objects strapped to their, umm, phallus. They engaged in a lot of horse play - every time someone in Aristophanes says "here, hold this" and such like other phrases, that is what they are referring too. This idea should be incorporated into your opera.
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


So, like, you are saying k.e is going to be appearing as himself?
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


That is a great idea....
Posted by: dogdidit on Sep. 04 2009,08:21

Quote (DaveH @ Sep. 04 2009,02:20)
The RING CYCLE (abridged)

SCENE: A fantastical fitness landscape with many snow-covered inaccessible peaks.

ENTER: A ridiculous little man in silly round spectacles. His mighty horned helmet of personal incredulity keeps slipping over his eyes. He is wearing a rather stylish sweater.

Elmer WaDD (for it is he!) sings: "Be vewwy quiet! I'm hunting weasels!"

WaDD spots a wabbit hole. He feeds the barrel of his shotgun into it, not aware that the barrel pops up out of another hole behind him and points at his arse.

He pulls the trigger of "peer-review" and shoots self in the ring-piece.

Bugs R Welsberry (casualy chewing carrot): Meeeeeh, What's up, DocDoc?



FINIS
---------------------QUOTE-------------------


This scene comes after the Good Dr^2 and his minions do a quick little vaudeville song-and-dance piece, avec canes and straw boaters:

ĎSUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUSí
is a string that weasels find but only if precocious-
-ly we add that mystic stuff lurved by the whole TARD nation:
Functionally specified and complex information!

end


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