Antievolution.org - Antievolution.org Discussion Board -Topic::I spoke to God

Posts: 250
Joined: May 2006

Posted: June 16 2006,22:26

Sorry, the first question was the important one for me I did ask it first, (but if you quote me on it I'll sic Connie on you!

I'm getting kinda old and I'm tired of my employers providing paper that has wood chips in it.

I can't tighten my belt enough to prevent the inevitable. The paper work HAS to be finished.

As for your point about me knowing the answer to the second question, I refer you to this book by Mr. F. Le Mur

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist....if.html

Bing

Posts: 144
Joined: Mar. 2006

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Posted: June 17 2006,02:35

Quote (stevestory @ June 16 2006,17:39)

LOL I don't remember. Probably tv.

Quote (ved @ June 16 2006)

I believe that wonderful man Mr. Colbert said that recently, no? Though I'd be surprised if he was the originator...

Some things are burned in my memory. If it's not failing me, that phrase was first used on The Jeffersons.

k.e

Posts: 1948
Joined: Mar. 2006

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Posted: June 17 2006,04:10

ooooh,ooooh,ooooh I been wanting to ask these questions for a long,long,time.
P. please ask him
1. Is his nose as big as it is in his pictures?
2. Why he didn't create water? (not noted anywhere in all of the Genesis' ) answer accepted from Mrs. God.
3. Does he have any dirt on the Pope,Jerry,Pat etc?
4. Why didn't he make men with penises on their foreheads so we could cut short the samba,movies,dinner and moonlit walks? (Suzy, I think that guy really likes you)
5. Is he a carbon based life form?
6. When he last spoke to Osama, GWB and Ollie North did he make sure they had paid their taxes?
7. When was the last time he fiddled with creation?
8. Why didn't he create the world in one day and give us all 6 days off to celebrate him?
9. When is he going to invade Canada? Its just that my best fieind is Canadian and I want to give him to know.
10. What are the numbers for the next powerball?

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The conservative has but little to fear from the man whose reason is the servant of his passions, but let him beware of him in whom reason has become the greatest and most terrible of the passions.These are the wreckers of outworn empires and civilisations, doubters, disintegrators, deicides.Haldane

PuckSR

Posts: 314
Joined: Nov. 2005

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Posted: June 17 2006,17:48

Quote

1. Is his nose as big as it is in his pictures?
2. Why he didn't create water? (not noted anywhere in all of the Genesis' ) answer accepted from Mrs. God.
3. Does he have any dirt on the Pope,Jerry,Pat etc?
4. Why didn't he make men with penises on their foreheads so we could cut short the samba,movies,dinner and moonlit walks? (Suzy, I think that guy really likes you)
5. Is he a carbon based life form?
6. When he last spoke to Osama, GWB and Ollie North did he make sure they had paid their taxes?
7. When was the last time he fiddled with creation?
8. Why didn't he create the world in one day and give us all 6 days off to celebrate him?
9. When is he going to invade Canada? Its just that my best fieind is Canadian and I want to give him to know.
10. What are the numbers for the next powerball?

1. God doesnt have a nose
2. God didnt create water, He created hydrogen and oxygen. He also created molecular bonding....water is just a byproduct.
3. The Pope is actually Jerry Lewis. Pat is actually an idiot savant....
4. It wouldn't matter. Women are way to complex to care. Do you honestly think that women cannot tell when you are attracted to them? The real trick would have been if He would have given women penises on their foreheads. He realized, however, that this would take away from their natural mysteriousness.
5. God is actually not a life-form
6. God said "who?"
7. God showed up a State Fair in Georgia. He met Charlie Daniels. Charlie took some creative license with the story.
8. 6 days? He says creating the Universe and all reality is more than just a cheap parlor trick. Besides, He exists outside of space and time...so He actually thinks his gradual and slow approach is more awe-inspiring.
9. God forgot about Canada. He says He will need to check into it. He thought it was mostly polar bears though.
10. He realizes that some of you do not live in areas that play powerball. So here are the results for the lotteries in all areas:
The numbers will all be the product of prime numbers.

Quote

What brand of toilet paper does he use? I'll bet it's the best!

Here's the big one, If Jesus died for my sins, what do I have to die for?

God doesnt use toilet paper. He only needed to defecate once, today we know it as the Big Bang.

He can't figure out why you care about dying. Death is painless. Death is the point at which all of your world responsibilies are removed....Death is a gift.

Ichthyic

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Joined: May 2006

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Posted: June 17 2006,18:18

Pat is actually an idiot savant....

of what?

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"And the sea will grant each man new hope..."

-CC

k.e

Posts: 1948
Joined: Mar. 2006

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Posted: June 17 2006,21:20

.... God doesnt have a nose

*switch to vaudeville mode

Spiv 1

I say I say I say; how does god smell if he has no nose?

Spiv 2

Bloody awful ....boom boom

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The conservative has but little to fear from the man whose reason is the servant of his passions, but let him beware of him in whom reason has become the greatest and most terrible of the passions.These are the wreckers of outworn empires and civilisations, doubters, disintegrators, deicides.Haldane

PuckSR

Posts: 314
Joined: Nov. 2005

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Posted: June 18 2006,16:07

Quote

Pat is actually an idiot savant....

of what?

Well that is the secret.....
But didn't it ever strike you as odd that Pat had his own TV show?
That wasn't on cable access?

Quote

how does god smell if he has no nose?

God doesn't actually "smell". Smelling and tasting are simply detection of certain molecules. God knows where and what all the molecules are....so He doesn't technically smell...he just remembers.

Arden Chatfield

Posts: 6657
Joined: Jan. 2006

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Posted: June 18 2006,19:20

Quote (PuckSR @ June 18 2006,21:07)

God doesn't actually "smell". �Smelling and tasting are simply detection of certain molecules. �God knows where and what all the molecules are....so He doesn't technically smell...he just remembers.

Did he put off any kind of scent of his own? Lilacs? Frying onions? New car smell? Myrrh?

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"Rich is just mad because he thought all titties had fur on them until last week when a shorn transvestite ruined his childhood dreams by jumping out of a spider man cake and man boobing him in the face lips." - Erasmus

PuckSR

Posts: 314
Joined: Nov. 2005

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Posted: June 18 2006,19:28

I said I spoke to God...I didnt say I held Him in an intimate embrace.

Side note: apparently when God calls...He uses caller id blocking. The only way you can tell it is Him is when you hear Him speak...once again...LOUD

Henry J

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Joined: Mar. 2005

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Posted: June 19 2006,17:31

But are you on a first name basis with Him? Does he let you call him "Art"?

Henry

BWE

Posts: 1902
Joined: Jan. 2006

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Posted: June 19 2006,17:37

I got one: Is it ok to screw goats? (If you're a person).

Between Davey and T-diddy, my head is spinning.

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Who said that ev'ry wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it
Look what it's done so far

The Daily Wingnut

Occam's Aftershave

Posts: 5287
Joined: Feb. 2006

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Posted: June 19 2006,17:43

Quote

I got one: Is it ok to screw goats? (If you're a person).

Billy goats or nanny goats? �It does make a difference in your liberal attempts to destroy marriage, ya know.

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"CO2 can't re-emit any trapped heat unless all the molecules point the right way"
"All the evidence supports Creation baraminology"
"If it required a mind, planning and design, it isn't materialistic."
"Jews and Christians are Muslims."

- Joke "Sharon" Gallien, world's dumbest YEC.

BWE

Posts: 1902
Joined: Jan. 2006

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Posted: June 19 2006,17:51

Oh gOD, assume the worst- of course.

--------------
Who said that ev'ry wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it
Look what it's done so far

The Daily Wingnut

PuckSR

Posts: 314
Joined: Nov. 2005

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Posted: June 19 2006,18:58

Quote

I got one: Is it ok to screw goats? (If you're a person).

Between Davey and T-diddy, my head is spinning.

Ok, I asked God...
He said that "screwing" or "nailing" goats is wrong...
He objects to the insertion of any hardware into animals.

Quote

But are you on a first name basis with Him? Does he let you call him "Art"?

Actually He prefers to go by "Dude"....???
I thought it was strange myself.....

BWE

Posts: 1902
Joined: Jan. 2006

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Posted: June 19 2006,20:27

https://www.hantover.com/datasurge/img/images/10300.jpg

This is two views of hardware that gets put in nearly every cow you eat. It is the Shermer ME Captive Bolt stunner and it uses a .22 cap to force a metal rod directly into the brain of the cow before they wrap a chain around it's hind leg, hoist it up onto a rail (still alive, mooing and kicking often enough), roll it over a "Blood Pit", slice the neck skin from the throat to the brisket, reach way up (the cow is upside down) inside to cut the jugular so all the blood runs down into the "Blood Pit" (and consequently all over the guy who does the poking, the "Sticker") All before it is 1st legged with the udder removed, second legged and bunged, sided, hide pulled, de headed, gutted, split, washed and refrigerated.

Is god a vegetarian?

--------------
Who said that ev'ry wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it
Look what it's done so far

The Daily Wingnut

Crabby Appleton

Posts: 250
Joined: May 2006

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Posted: June 19 2006,21:28

Quote (PuckSR @ June 17 2006,22:48)

God doesnt use toilet paper. �He only needed to defecate once, today we know it as the Big Bang.

He can't figure out why you care about dying. �Death is painless. �Death is the point at which all of your world responsibilies are removed....Death is a gift.

1. I had a "Big Bang" the other day at work that needed cleaning up and I need to know how "He" does the same. There was a lot of dark matter that had to be dealt with.

2. Death "may" be painless but dying seldom is. I don't want "his" gift.

PuckSR

Posts: 314
Joined: Nov. 2005

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Posted: June 19 2006,21:57

Quote

This is two views of hardware that gets put in nearly every cow you eat. It is the Shermer ME Captive Bolt stunner and it uses a .22 cap to force a metal rod directly into the brain of the cow before they wrap a chain around it's hind leg, hoist it up onto a rail (still alive, mooing and kicking often enough), roll it over a "Blood Pit", slice the neck skin from the throat to the brisket, reach way up (the cow is upside down) inside to cut the jugular so all the blood runs down into the "Blood Pit" (and consequently all over the guy who does the poking, the "Sticker") All before it is 1st legged with the udder removed, second legged and bunged, sided, hide pulled, de headed, gutted, split, washed and refrigerated.

Is god a vegetarian?

Nope...God isnt a vegetarian...but He highly recommends Kosher food.

Quote

Death "may" be painless but dying seldom is. I don't want "his" gift.

Dying is painful...but dying is still living...and living is also painful. If you wish to cease all pain, then death would seem a welcome reprieve from the pain of life.
Sorry, that really isnt God's opinion...I forgot to ask him so I quickly paraphrased some Epicurius.

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