Joined: Jan. 2006
|Quote (paragwinn @ Mar. 20 2012,19:43)|
|I’ve taken a few liberties (none of them religious) with the “screenplay” proffered by Coppedge and Becker in Plaintiff’s Trial Brief filed in Dec 2011 to give what “might have been” a different perspective on events leading up to the trial. As parody and opinion, it makes no claim as to the factual accuracy of events. No real effort was made to structure this as a viable screenplay. Any resemblance to the actual train of events is purely coincidental.|
INT. OFFICE SPACE – SOMETIME IN THE DAY
COPPEDGE enters CHIN’S office.
CHIN: Hi, David. I’ve been getting complaints about your treatment of customers and co-workers. I was wondering if you could refrain from broaching sensitive subjects while on the job. I am willing to coach you on it.
COPPEDGE (annoyed): I disagree with your position on it and on every A.S.S.*-inine interpretation of Cassini data. I challenge you to a debate. The parking lot. 3 o’clock.
CHIN: Is there anything I can say to change your mind?
COPPEDGE: No, for the Bible tells me not to.
COPPEDGE eats shoots and leaves.
*A.S.S. = Coppedge-ism for 'Age of the Solar System'
INT. WORK AREA – DAY
CHIN: Hi, David. I’m sorry to inform you that you’re part of a general layoff involving several employees due to budget cutbacks. JPL is making job placement services available. Would you like to participate?
COPPEDGE: Sure, as long as it doesn’t cut into my time maintaing my Creationist website, guiding Creation Safaris, illustrating media at Illustra Media, etc.
COPPEDGE’S HOME – DAY (OR NIGHT, WHENEVER)
DAVID is writing up blog entries on how evo-blinded scientists are wedded to their sacrosanct A.S.S., stopping occasionally to admire the way he came up with the acronym ‘A.S.S.’ But upon reflecting upon events at JPL over the last several months, he becomes increasingly distressed. The compaints were really about religion! The demotion was really about religion! The layoff was really about….religion! How heavy-handed and repetitive can I perceive JPL to get?
HIS DVD-LENDING LIST. He notices a pattern forming. Wha?? His co-workers’ lack of appreciation for the considerate comments next to each of their names. Their weak principles blinding them to the truth. What the …?
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY
Morning at the Becker Law Firm. COPPEDGE moves urgently through the corriders. Out of breath, reaches BECKER’S office.
BECKER: Hi, David. What’s up? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or zombie Jesus.
COPPEDGE: I saw a ghost alright. A spectre of religious persecution!
BECKER: Come again?
COPPEDGE: CHIN ordered me to stop exercising my free speech rights about matters I know I’m right about, and … and –
BECKER: Take a chill pill, David. Tell me what happened. Show me on this doll where you felt violated.
COPPEDGE: It was … horrible. I have an impressive title at Illustra Media. I brave the perils of Creation Safaris. I run a Creationist website almost 24/7, you know. CHIN didn’t care when he’d crossed the line suppressing my freedom of speech in the workplace. I’ve had it with him. I’m so uncomfortable with CHIN having approached me about watching how I treat customers and talking about my lack of awareness in pushing my religiously motivated political, scientific and office party views on an unwilling audience. I couldn’t deal with him on these kinds of issues. And (headache ensues) …
BECKER: There, there. Would you like a hot beverage?
COPPEDGE: … and there was my Red Streamline Stapler on his desk. He always borrows it and never gives it back and – I think he was trying to create a hostile work environment. I don’t want JPL to get away with suppressing my freedom of speech on religious grounds on company time ever again. I cant stand for it. I just cant!
BECKER: Well, I’ll look into it. Let me know when you want to sue JPL for religious discrimination.
COPPEDGE: You know, I have an impressive title at Illustra Media. I brave the perils of Creation Safaris. I run a Creationist website almost 24/7, and I’m a member of …
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