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  Topic: If ID was...., Not only creobots can use bad analogies< Next Oldest | Next Newest >  
Richardthughes



Posts: 10299
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 20 2007,19:48   

Let me start, so we can all play:

IF ID WAS MEDICINE

I could tell you you were sick, because you *look* sick. We'd have some fantastic metric for sickness that no-one has ever used and our "sick or healthy" filter would just be a concept.... that didn't work. I could maybe tell you you were sick, because you look sick but could make no comment about the disease causing the sickness, how it makes you sick or how to cure you. Real medicine would be a dogmatic religious belief, though.

--------------
"Richardthughes, you magnificent bastard, I stand in awe of you..." : Arden Chatfield
"You magnificent bastard! " : Louis
"ATBC poster child", "I have to agree with Rich.." : DaveTard
"I bow to your superior skills" : deadman_932
"...it was Richardthughes making me lie in bed.." : Kristine

  
J-Dog



Posts: 4368
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 20 2007,20:39   

Thanks a lot Richard - you are making me think too hard.  I hate when that happens, but I'll play your little game...

If ID was baseball, it would be like the worst team in my teenage son's baseball league, trying to play the New York Yankees.  Team ID would totally get their butts kicked, Dembksi would lie about them getting beat, even though any sane person looking at the scoreboard would see that it was Yankees 100, Team ID 0.  

I'm sure that Behe and Dembski wouldn't even need to wear a cup or a jockstrap, because they got nothing to protect.  

As a matter of fact, I'll bet a single-malt bottle of scotch that my son's team could kick Team ID's butts right now.
It would be worth it just to get to adapt Ernest Thayer's poem one more time, and once again Casey (Luskin) will strike out.

--------------
Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
stevestory



Posts: 8990
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 20 2007,20:43   

if ID were a boxer it would be this guy



As he gets into the ring to fight Evander Holyfield, he trips on the ropes, hits the mat, and is knocked out cold. The referee calls the fight out of pity, and ID's fans yell, "Cheat! He musta been Too Devastating for ya!"

   
k.e



Posts: 1948
Joined: Mar. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 20 2007,21:24   

IF ID WERE A RELIGION, YOU COULDN'T PRAISE THE DESIGNER!!!99.ID HOMOS.

If ID was manufacturing Pintos, ID couldn't say who the designer was or who made it AND IT WOULDN'T MATTER WHAT YEAR IT WAS MADE. Bless us oh Ford, for we have given out the Regents phone numbers.

If ID was used to investigate a crime scene it would say that a crime was commited. Duh!!!

If ID was used to judge the age of the Grand Canyon it would be clown car driven out of the big tent with aggravated face pie and squirty lapel flowers.HONK HONK.

If ID were given a lab in a respectable university it would bitch slap itself into a windowless room for 2 days a week (uh..for only one week) then be escorted from the building without a meal *sniff***snivel**boohoohoohoo***

If ID had any friends it wouldn't need enemies.

--------------
The conservative has but little to fear from the man whose reason is the servant of his passions, but let him beware of him in whom reason has become the greatest and most terrible of the passions.These are the wreckers of outworn empires and civilisations, doubters, disintegrators, deicides.Haldane

   
Reciprocating Bill



Posts: 4244
Joined: Oct. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 20 2007,21:24   

If ID WAS A CRIMINAL COURT

The verdict would be announced and the prisoner executed before the first witness took the stand. The witness would perjure himself, then swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. He'd place his hand on the bible, then ask, "what bible?" A citizen would comment from the gallery that the entire affair was running in reverse; the bailiff would eject him from the court. Then another, and another, and another, and another. Jurors would be absent, lawyers present. Someone passes gas.

--------------
Myth: Something that never was true, and always will be.

"The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you."
- David Foster Wallace

"Here’s a clue. Snarky banalities are not a substitute for saying something intelligent. Write that down."
- Barry Arrington

  
stevestory



Posts: 8990
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 20 2007,21:28   

Quote (Reciprocating Bill @ Sep. 20 2007,22:24)
If ID WAS A CRIMINAL COURT

The verdict would be announced and the prisoner executed before the first witness took the stand. The witness would perjure himself, then swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. He'd place his hand on the bible, then ask, "what bible?"

LOL

   
Jim_Wynne



Posts: 1008
Joined: June 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,10:35   

If ID Were A Sports Event

There would be no need to run races or hit/kick balls, run around, and get all sweaty.

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Evolution is not about laws but about randomness on happanchance.--Robert Byers, at PT

  
Jim_Wynne



Posts: 1008
Joined: June 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,10:37   

If ID Were A Horse Race

You could make your bet and collect your winnings at the same time without bothering the horses.

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Evolution is not about laws but about randomness on happanchance.--Robert Byers, at PT

  
Occam's Toothbrush



Posts: 554
Joined: April 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,11:04   

If ID Were Carpentry

We would use ignorant criticisms of your hammers to drive our nails, then claim it was just your materialistic presuppositions which led you to conclude our alleged dream home was really only a pile of lumber.

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"Molecular stuff seems to me not to be biology as much as it is a more atomic element of life" --Creo nut Robert Byers
------
"You need your arrogant ass kicked, and I would LOVE to be the guy who does it. Where do you live?" --Anger Management Problem Concern Troll "Kris"

  
Mister DNA



Posts: 466
Joined: June 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,11:22   

If ID Were a Rock Band

They wouldn't write their own songs or record albums  - they'd take snippets from other people's songs/records and use them as "proof" that all the other bands suck and ID is the greatest band on earth.

They wouldn't do live shows, either. Instead, they'd get up on stage and talk about how great their songs are and how awesome their upcoming album is going to be.

There would be a big announcement that Geffen is going to be releasing and promoting their upcoming album and they will provide links to Geffen's website as evidence. But it would turn out that some guy in Geffen's IT dep't had put the page up on his own initiative.

We all know what happens when the bigwigs at Geffen make him take down the website...

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CBEB's: The Church Burnin' Ebola Blog
Thank you, Dr. Dembski. You are without peer when it comes to The Argument Regarding Design. - vesf

    
dheddle



Posts: 530
Joined: Sep. 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,11:49   

IF ID Were a handicapper for the mob

The mob would be in a financial crisis, ID would be swimming with the fishes, and wed be awash in single malt scotch.

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Mysticism is a rational enterprise. Religion is not. The mystic has recognized something about the nature of consciousness prior to thought, and this recognition is susceptible to rational discussion. The mystic has reason for what he believes, and these reasons are empirical. --Sam Harris

   
Richardthughes



Posts: 10299
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,11:58   

If I'd Were a Fortune Teller

You'd come into the *big* tent, pay a huge fee for a reading, at which point you'd get asked how your day was going. Once you replied you would get smug confirmation that *THAT* was exactly what ID predicted. If you disagreed, you get thrown out of the *big* tent. The *big* tent also has a bookshop section.

--------------
"Richardthughes, you magnificent bastard, I stand in awe of you..." : Arden Chatfield
"You magnificent bastard! " : Louis
"ATBC poster child", "I have to agree with Rich.." : DaveTard
"I bow to your superior skills" : deadman_932
"...it was Richardthughes making me lie in bed.." : Kristine

  
Richardthughes



Posts: 10299
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,12:38   

Oh Noes!
Teh smart peoples are comming:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/09/if_id_was.php

:O

--------------
"Richardthughes, you magnificent bastard, I stand in awe of you..." : Arden Chatfield
"You magnificent bastard! " : Louis
"ATBC poster child", "I have to agree with Rich.." : DaveTard
"I bow to your superior skills" : deadman_932
"...it was Richardthughes making me lie in bed.." : Kristine

  
carlsonjok



Posts: 3324
Joined: May 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,12:54   

Quote (Mister DNA @ Sep. 21 2007,11:22)
If ID Were a Rock Band

They wouldn't write their own songs or record albums - they'd take snippets from other people's songs/records and use them as "proof" that all the other bands suck and ID is the greatest band on earth.

They wouldn't do live shows, either. Instead, they'd get up on stage and talk about how great their songs are and how awesome their upcoming album is going to be.

Wait a minute! I think Todd Snider wrote about this in his song Talkin' Seattle Grunge Rock Blues.

 
Quote
......

Now to fit in on the Seattle scene
You've got to do something they ain't never seen
So thinkin' up a gimmick one day
We decided to be the only band that wouldn't play a note
Under any circumstances
Silence...
Music's original alternative
Root's grunge

Well we spread the word through the underground
That we were the hottest new thing in town
The record guy came out to see us one day
And just like always we didn't play
It knocked him out

He said he loved our work
He said he loved our work, but he wasn't sure if he could
Sell a record with nothing on it
I said tell 'em we're from Seattle
He advanced us two and half million dollars

Hey, hey, my, my
Rock n' roll will never die
Hang your hair down in your eyes
You'll make a million dollars
Well they made us do a video but that wasn't tough
'Cause we just filmed ourselves smashing stuff
It's kind of weird 'cause there was no music
But MTV said they'd love to use it
The kids went wild, the kids went nuts
Rolling Stone gave us a five star review
Said we played with guts

We're scoring chicks, taking drugs
Then we got asked to play MTV Unplugged
You should have seen it

We went right out there and refused to do acoustical versions
of the electrical songs that we had refused to record in the first place
Then we smashed our shit
.......


--------------
It's natural to be curious about our world, but the scientific method is just one theory about how to best understand it. We live in a democracy, which means we should treat every theory equally. - Steven Colbert, I Am America (and So Can You!)

  
J-Dog



Posts: 4368
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,13:06   

He's going to change his name to Mr.Richardthughes...  ID Enemy Extrodinaire

Jeez I hoipe he remembers us little guys that helped make it all possible.

Congrats for taking your game Big Time at PZ's blog!

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/09/if_id_was.php

--------------
Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
Mister DNA



Posts: 466
Joined: June 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,13:08   

Quote (carlsonjok @ Sep. 21 2007,12:54)
Quote (Mister DNA @ Sep. 21 2007,11:22)
If ID Were a Rock Band

They wouldn't write their own songs or record albums  - they'd take snippets from other people's songs/records and use them as "proof" that all the other bands suck and ID is the greatest band on earth.

They wouldn't do live shows, either. Instead, they'd get up on stage and talk about how great their songs are and how awesome their upcoming album is going to be.

Wait a minute!  I think Todd Snider wrote about this in his song Talkin' Seattle Grunge Rock Blues.

Hmmm.... I guess it's no coincidence that the Disco Institute is headquartered in Seattle.

--------------
CBEB's: The Church Burnin' Ebola Blog
Thank you, Dr. Dembski. You are without peer when it comes to The Argument Regarding Design. - vesf

    
Jim_Wynne



Posts: 1008
Joined: June 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,13:34   

My favorite so far, from Tracy Hamilton at Pharyngula:
 
Quote
If ID was a computer manual

There would be one page that says "This page intentionally left blank."


--------------
Evolution is not about laws but about randomness on happanchance.--Robert Byers, at PT

  
J-Dog



Posts: 4368
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,13:48   

Quote (Jim_Wynne @ Sep. 21 2007,13:34)
My favorite so far, from Tracy Hamilton at Pharyngula:
Quote
If ID was a computer manual

There would be one page that says "This page intentionally left blank."

Not to dis Tracy, BUT, I am willing to bet a single-malt bottle of scotch, that there would be a LOT more that one page intentionally left blank...

--------------
Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
Steverino



Posts: 411
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,14:03   

If ID here a Hooker....we would all be left unsatisfied...and out of money.

--------------
- Born right the first time.
- Asking questions is NOT the same as providing answers.
- It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys show up!

   
JohnW



Posts: 2293
Joined: Aug. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,14:03   

If ID was my back yard

There would be no signs of life at all - just a lot of decaying dead stuff and dog turds.

Hang on.  That is my back yard.  My back yard is in Seattle.  So is the DI.  I could be onto something here.

--------------
Math is just a language of reality. Its a waste of time to know it.
- Robert Byers

  
Henry J



Posts: 4098
Joined: Mar. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,14:06   

Re "If ID was a computer manual"

If your network goes down, send an email to ask for help.

If keyboard stops working, press F1 for help.

  
Kristine



Posts: 3046
Joined: Sep. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,14:22   

Pardon me, guys, but heed the words of Gertrude Stein: "If you have the sound, the sense will follow." *Fart*

A little poetry puh-lease!

If ID were a belly dance, then it would be a crime,
instead of just a belly scratching freshman keg-spilling pantomime
with puppy tails and snails and wails that Darweenies steal the glow
from their hat-rabbit, dag-nabbit, one-trick flagellumation show! :p

--------------
Which came first: the shimmy, or the hip?

AtBC Poet Laureate

"I happen to think that this prerequisite criterion of empirical evidence is itself not empirical." - Clive

"Damn you. This means a trip to the library. Again." -- fnxtr

  
Steverino



Posts: 411
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,15:55   

If ID was a car...it would be any car I wanted it to be...until someone else saw that it was really a skateboard.

--------------
- Born right the first time.
- Asking questions is NOT the same as providing answers.
- It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys show up!

   
Reciprocating Bill



Posts: 4244
Joined: Oct. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,16:51   

If ID was ID

It would fraudulently characterize a religious hope as a scientific theory. It would present no actual theory. It would make no testable predictions. It would hide its culturally and religiously motivated agenda behind a cloud of empty jargon. It would ignore scientific consensus, and present only negative argumentation and deliberate obfuscation. It would attract a motley collection of YEC'ers and professional trolls. After having been exposed for what it is, it would collapse into a quivering corpse. Its creationist soul would leave its rapidly corrupting body, searching for its next incarnation.

--------------
Myth: Something that never was true, and always will be.

"The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you."
- David Foster Wallace

"Here’s a clue. Snarky banalities are not a substitute for saying something intelligent. Write that down."
- Barry Arrington

  
Albatrossity2



Posts: 2779
Joined: Mar. 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,17:12   

If ID was creationism

It would wear a cheap tuxedo, employ a lot of lawyers, and emit a lot of gas.

Oh, I guess I missed the memo.

Never mind.

--------------
Flesh of the sky, child of the sky, the mind
Has been obligated from the beginning
To create an ordered universe
As the only possible proof of its own inheritance.
- Pattiann Rogers

   
capheind



Posts: 2
Joined: Sep. 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,19:44   

If ID and Creationism were police detectives....

A man lay dead and is being analyzed by professional forensic investigators. The State mandated "alternative to forensics" team enters the room.

The Detective Creationist thoughtfully looks at the room without taking samples or performing any tests and immediately deduces that the mans wife stabbed him, a Forensics expert points out that he has been shot. The Creationist points out that the bullet wound is a LIE OF MATERIALISM. The Creationist then says that it must have been a stab wound because as we all know such and such a woman in the bible stabbed her husband for such and such a woman.

The ID guy agrees with him entirely and when its pointed  out that ancient texts hardly serve as evidence the ID gent screams that he does not agree with his religion but with the scientific process he used to get to his theory, and that its just as valid as the theory of forensics. Someone then points out that the Creationist used no process of any sort and the ID gent screams "Entrenched Forensics dogma". The Scientists beat them to death..

well we can all hope...

  
Nomad



Posts: 311
Joined: July 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 21 2007,21:36   

If ID were a medieval knight

It would wear a jockstrap (and nothing else) for protection and brandish a fondue fork as a weapon.  After attempting to stab it's enemy in the back and having the fork bend on contact with the enemy knight's armor, it would inform him that the sword he was holding didn't really exist, that it was merely a lie concocted by the blacksmiths.

Ten seconds later, missing three limbs and spouting blood from several severed arteries, the ID knight would be carted away, calling its opponent a chicken for running away from the fight.

No, it would NOT say "it's just a flesh wound".  It would demand that it's completely healthy and feeling better than ever.  It would state that it predicted that that would happen, and that it's entirely consistent with the predicted superiority of the fondue fork offense.

"In ten years no knight will be using swords or armor anymore," it would say as the last of its blood runs out, "they'll all be using fondue forks and jockstraps."

Unfortunately.. if this knight was ID, it wouldn't die either.  It would pop up the next day with no memory of what had just happened and get to work on developing the next invincible offense.. the spork attack.

  
capheind



Posts: 2
Joined: Sep. 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 22 2007,20:58   

If ID was a medical patient, he would keep calling the doctor the patient and demand to be called Doc. After all ID proponents seem to only be able to argue by claiming that black is white and day night. I especially love it when they describe true scientists using the language devoted to the description of religion while claiming that their Creator worship is not religion... I'd think it was the definition...

  
Kristine



Posts: 3046
Joined: Sep. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 24 2007,16:45   

Quote (Albatrossity2 @ Sep. 21 2007,16:12)
If ID was creationism

It would wear a cheap tuxedo, employ a lot of lawyers, and emit a lot of gas.

Oh, I guess I missed the memo.

Never mind.

Well, in keeping with my literary theme:

Everyone said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the Emperor's new clothes. They're beautiful!"

"What a marvellous train!"

"And the colors! The colors of that beautiful fabric! I have never seen anything like it in my life!" They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see the clothes, and since nobody was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence, they all behaved as the two scoundrels had predicted.

A child, however, who had no important job and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the carriage.

"The Emperor is naked," he said.

"Fool!" his father reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed his child and took him away. But the boy's remark, which had been heard by the bystanders, was repeated over and over again until everyone cried:

"The boy is right! The Emperor is naked! It's true!"

The Emperor realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He though it better to continue the procession under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see his clothes was either stupid or incompetent. And he stood stiffly on his carriage, while behind him a page held his imaginary mantle.


I'm a romantic. I believe that fairy tales can sometimes come true. :D

--------------
Which came first: the shimmy, or the hip?

AtBC Poet Laureate

"I happen to think that this prerequisite criterion of empirical evidence is itself not empirical." - Clive

"Damn you. This means a trip to the library. Again." -- fnxtr

  
k.e



Posts: 1948
Joined: Mar. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Sep. 24 2007,22:57   

If ID was civil engineering

You would have the choice of materials or non-materials.

Bridges would only need a single lane and cars could be driven from one side to the next in opposite directions AT THE SAME TIME.
Since cars could be non material and the scientific method (aka Darwinism) is not acceptable to ID, the material world does not exist(more news at 11)

The design for the bridge would not need any plans, material suppliers or location for proposed bridge.

The bridge 'engineers' could be retired Dell loss adjusters, PR wonks, journalists, or out of work mathematicians plus a hoard of bloggers.

Procurement of all 'non-material' and construction would be made in less than a week and on the 7th day everyone would rest...except the 7th Day Adventists the Jews and the Moslems.

No concrete testing would be needed since it doesn't matter to ID if concrete or non-concrete is used.
And even if it did matter people would still use the bridge because they knew in their hearts it was OK.

If the bridge collapsed the designer would not be criticized because he actually designed it to collapse.

Any collateral damage from a bridge collapse was not only expected but DESIRED as it was proof the designer was interacting in the world and EVEN MORE IMPORTANT A TEST OF FAITH.

Anyone who did not accept a nonpology from the designer was a heretic.

No court in the land would accept a trial of faulty ID bridge design however every effort would be made not to allow schools to teach the faulty product in the first place.

--------------
The conservative has but little to fear from the man whose reason is the servant of his passions, but let him beware of him in whom reason has become the greatest and most terrible of the passions.These are the wreckers of outworn empires and civilisations, doubters, disintegrators, deicides.Haldane

   
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