N.Wells
Posts: 1836 Joined: Oct. 2005
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Texas Teach dies and goes to hell. One of the lesser devils is prodding him with a pitchfork, pushing him past sulfur pits that are belching flames and which are filled with people screaming in agony, but suddenly TT sees Gary sitting on a bench off to the side, engaging in excited conversation with an incredibly beautiful woman. TT protests, "This is hugely unfair. I've spent my life doing my best to educate our young people, but I end up in hell and I have to roast here for all eternity, while Gaulin gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." The devil yells at him to shut up, pokes him even harder with the pitchfork, and screams, "Who do you think you are to question that poor woman's punishment?"
The European heaven is where the English are the policemen, the French are the cooks, the German are the mechanics, the Swiss are the bureaucrats, and the Italians are the lovers.
The European hell is where the German are the policemen, the English are the cooks, the French are the mechanics, the Swiss are the lovers, and the Italians are the managers.
An engineer dies and shows up in front of the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his giant book and says, "Ah, you're an engineer. You are in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
A bit later, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan replies, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God's angry, says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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