incorygible
Posts: 374
Joined: Feb. 2006
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| Quote (afdave @ June 15 2006,14:08) | Incorygible... | Quote | | So what do I think WHAT test will show, Davey? You don't have a test. |
I do. It's called the SAT Test. You go find the gorilla and the chimp. I'll provide the human, the SAT test and the testing room. We'll give them each the same amount of time.
Guess what the result will be!!
(Hint: the gorilla and chimp results will be similar and will differ greatly from the human!
(I really am having fun with this topic ... can we keep it going a long time? Eric?) |
Sounds fun! Let's apply for a grant! I'm happy to write it up for you (I'm good at it by now), and submit it to the appropriate agencies -- just help me fill in the blanks, m'kay?
First, we'd better come up with a good, bullet-proof reason for why we expect this test to demonstrate common ancestry of the gorilla and the chimp, but not the human. You know, something that will really, really make it seem a more reliable method for measuring ancestry and evolution (since the Fall, of course, Davey) than that whole DNA thang (and physical anthropology and comparative morphology and microbiology and...). After all, those agencies have pumped an awful lot of money and credibility into genomic research (and the others), and they don't like having egg on their face.
Next, we'll have to demonstrate there is no subjective bias that may enter into our test. Since inherent biases against different races and classes of HUMAN have been demonstrated for standardized testing, including the SATs, we better come up with a way to convince 'em there is no introduced anti-"ape" bias.
Third, we'll have to do something about those competing labs that will want to shoot down our results by measuring something they foolishly think is more relevant to ancestry and evolution than one's answer to "Two trains leave Chicago at a speed of..." I suspect the appropriately named Dr. Wildman over at Wayne State may try to scoop us by repeating the test with some fancy electrodes and cellular assays, then claiming that, despite our airtight scoring system, the patterns of gene expression and electrical activity while taking our test were much more similar in the human and chimp brains than in the gorilla brain. We wouldn't want that.
Fourth, we might want to rule out some additional confounding variables. Developmental and environmental effects come to mind. So, let's eliminate any regional bias by using an African human (Africa's all one environment, right?). And let's standardize by using two-year-olds. And let's control for any differences in parental care or social learning -- if we put the newborns in cages right now, they'll be ready for those SATs by the time the funds come in.
So you get to work on shoring those up, and I'll start drafting the application. Whodathunk overturning so many years of research in so many scientific disciplines demonstrating common ancestry of the great apes (including us -- the very thought! could be overturned by more careful observation and comparison of the collegial activities (both curricular and extracurricular! of humans, chimps and gorillas. We're gonna be famous, Dave!
Oh, can we include the orangutans in there, too? If I did have to go to the zoo instead of the sorority house to meet women, that luxurious copper hair and laid-back demeanour would definitely win me over. Especially when compared to the violence of the chimps and the rather scary stature of the silverback guarding his harem. Of course, that's only because my zoo doesn't have bonobos...those girls (and boys! are FREAKS, Dave. I mean it. Hey, can we have a bonobo?
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