Joined: Jan. 2006
All cranks must codify their crankery at some time. This is where I'll be doing mine.
Current thought: The Wedding Fine.
I don't like weddings.
3) Airline food and I get served last
4) Can get too churchy
5) Shoite music
6) Tediously long
I don't think blokes should have to go. But clearly you don't want to be guilted and griefed by the happy couple* so I'm proposing 'the wedding fine'.
Here's how it works. You just give them the total money you would have spent** on the wedding. And that's it. They get a tidy sum as they build thier new life together but there is the new social norm that you did a good thing (weddings can be ghastly displays of ephemeral, conspicuous consumption) but the real benefit is no-one is allowed to consider you a shitty friend or become upset. No "Well I went to yours" type shoite.
The likely ramifications are that weddings will become private, intimate affairs. I can see more zombie killing in 'Left for Dead' 2 during summer weekends. Weddings may become events where the groom is the only male attendee. Maybe he should be allowed to pay the fine, also?
* Let's be honest - it'll be the bride who griefs you. And holds onto it forever.
** Think about this in its entirety - airfare, hotel, rental car, BAR TAB plus the gift you were going to give anyway. You sir are a fabulous human being for being so generous!
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