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  Topic: MY MANIFESTO, sharing my wisdoms< Next Oldest | Next Newest >  

Posts: 11110
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Aug. 13 2010,09:36   

All cranks must codify their crankery at some time. This is where I'll be doing mine.

Current thought: The Wedding Fine.

I don't like weddings.

1) Boring
2) Formal
3) Airline food and I get served last
4) Can get too churchy
5) Shoite music
6) Tediously long
7) expensive

I don't think blokes should have to go. But clearly you don't want to be guilted and griefed by the happy couple* so I'm proposing 'the wedding fine'.

Here's how it works. You just give them the total money you would have spent** on the wedding. And that's it. They get a tidy sum as they build thier new life together but there is the new social norm that you did a good thing (weddings can be ghastly displays of ephemeral, conspicuous consumption) but the real benefit is no-one is allowed to consider you a shitty friend or become upset. No "Well I went to yours" type shoite.

The likely ramifications are that weddings will become private, intimate affairs. I can see more zombie killing in 'Left for Dead' 2 during summer weekends. Weddings may become events where the groom is the only male attendee. Maybe he should be allowed to pay the fine, also?

* Let's be honest - it'll be the bride who griefs you. And holds onto it forever.

** Think about this in its entirety - airfare, hotel, rental car, BAR TAB plus the gift you were going to give anyway. You sir are a fabulous human being for being so generous!

"Richardthughes, you magnificent bastard, I stand in awe of you..." : Arden Chatfield
"You magnificent bastard! " : Louis
"ATBC poster child", "I have to agree with Rich.." : DaveTard
"I bow to your superior skills" : deadman_932
" was Richardthughes making me lie in bed.." : Kristine

  34 replies since Aug. 13 2010,09:36 < Next Oldest | Next Newest >  

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