RSS 2.0 Feed

» Welcome Guest Log In :: Register

Pages: (501) < [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... >   
  Topic: Uncommonly Dense Thread 3, The Beast Marches On...< Next Oldest | Next Newest >  

Posts: 442
Joined: June 2010

(Permalink) Posted: April 21 2011,19:19   

Quote (lkeithlu @ April 21 2011,15:28)
Quote (Kristine @ April 21 2011,15:24)
Quote (OgreMkV @ April 21 2011,14:16)
In all honesty, if it wasn't for you guys belling the cat in it's litterbox, UD would be the biggest, most useless circle jerk since the fall of the USSR's Politburo.

I suspect we'd see a blackhole of tard, at least until the denzions passed their own Schwarzschild radius.  At that point, they will create their own private server that no one else can see or visit and hopefully, they would never venture off of it.

Joe could sit in his mom's basement and blabber on about the mating habits of asexual organisms, the obviousness that trees made of steel could be taller than trees made of wood, and the ultimate expression of IDiocy, a multi-Megayear study of the fungus growing on the edge of his toilet that slowly becomes intelligent and tells him what a douche he actually is.

Gordon, could write epically long posts where he repeats "Onlookers note" millions of times.  The rate at which modern storage hardware is becoming larger and cheaper means that it could someday reach the point where the amount of storage could contain the nearly infinite ramblings of his monkey brain.  If infinitely many monkeys on infinitely many typewriters in an infinite amount of time can develop the works of Shakespeare, what works would be the result of one monkey on one keyboard in whatever remains of his pathetic life?

O'Leary would find that a pure coffee diet is the ultimate weightloss program.  At some point after her 300 billionth post, she realizes that he has become a thin layer of skin flopped onto an ergonomic office chair with an intrevenous drip of COFFEE!!! and a spray bottle of moisterizer set on a 10 minute timer.  She will, unfortunately, remain the closest thing to an actual human in the UD-hole.*  

Other, specially** invited guests will occasionally join, but much like a roach motel, the self-congratulatory behavior and positive forced-feedback system within the UD-hole will forever trap those within.  They will be unable to communicate with anyone outside of their limted circle of intellectual equals***.

Our only hope to study the UD-hole will be to watch the pieces of intellect that escape from the hole as others are specially invited in.  These pieces of intellect will tell us a great deal about the activities within the hole (thereby proving that Hawkins was correct and some information can escape).  

Snippets of wisdom will begin with complex equations and deep philosophical utterings.  While these would be easily proven incorrect by a particularly bright Australian sheepdog, there is at least a semblence of mental accument.  As time passes, the UD-hole will grow, yet thanks to our knowledge of thermodynamics, the intellilectual ability within the hole will be spread out among a larger and larger volume until finally we get phrases like, "dog food can be a nutritional supplement, I saw it in a movie" and "my toes smell like rancid horse ejacula".

Soon, no actual directly translatable communication will exist and we will be forced to assign meaning to occasional outburst of grunting and making inferences about the author from the mere tonal qualities of seemingly random bits of data.  (For example: "Urkula" might mean, "Joe, quit saying ID is not anti-evolution you idiot.  No one can hear us in here.  We can talk freely now."****)

Those you who wish to prevent this from occurring, my hat is off to you.  For you are tangling with a force more powerful than any yet discovered in the natural world.  Even gravity fades to insignificance over the light-years, but stupidity is remorseless.

*With respect to Dr. Who.

**"Small Bus", not "unique"

***and a subset of small African dung beetles (termites in Joe's case).

**** Although, some actual scientists studying the phenomenon will submit that the same phrase is also uttered when a UD-hole denzion is dealing with a particularly difficult bowel evacuation.

I second. All in favor say AYE?

Aye, aye?

  15001 replies since Sep. 04 2009,16:20 < Next Oldest | Next Newest >  

Pages: (501) < [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... >   

Track this topic Email this topic Print this topic

[ Read the Board Rules ] | [Useful Links] | [Evolving Designs]