Joined: Oct. 2006
Did uncle Darwin promise you anything?
As you know, all the atheist boys and girls write letters to Santa Charles just before Darwinmas (Feb 12) asking for gifts. The legend goes that Santa Charles arrives at midnight on Darwinmas, riding a beagle pulled through the sky by eight finches, all slightly different.
Now if the boy or girl was good that year (but not in an absolute or objective moral sense of the word), Santa Charles would look at the phylogenetic tree they had decorated and leave a present under the branches, down near LUCA. But if the child had been bad that year (in a strictly relative and socially or culturally determined sense), then they got a piece of metamorphosed Permian vegetation instead.
My letter was always the same:
Dear Santa Charles,
How are you? I hear it is hot in the Galapagos, where you spend all year making presents for children with the help of some very dexterous pandas and an outsourcer in Hong Kong.
A randomized telephone survey of my grandparents concluded that I was good this year, with an error band of plus or minus 3%. So I thought I would share with you some gift suggestions.”
I always asked for the same two things, peace on earth, and a pet shark with a laser on its forehead. I never got either one. But I never got the metamorphosed Permian vegetation, so I think it was just the margin of error that was my problem.
After much reflection I finally realized that the best way to describe the cause of the universe is: the great I AM.